The Relentless Image.: How Gay Is "Gay"?

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January 06, 2005

How Gay Is "Gay"?

Gay is getting another meaning expansion. It's actually not a new meaning really, but a recycling of a 6th grade meaning. For some reason, tons of people started using the word Gay again as meaning lame or dumb:

"That's Gay."

"Do you like Franz Ferdinand?"
"They're alright, but some of their stuff is kinda gay."

"I don't feel like going out tonight."
"Don't be gay, come on, let's go."

Avril Lavigne used it in an interview, which went to pains to explain what she meant by that. No gay rights group has denounced her at the time of this writing.

I don't have any problem with it, and seriously, neither do any of my gay friends who don't have major personality disorders. There is a sprinkling of people in my crowd who do have a problem with it. They share certain traits, but I won't go into it. One of them is a former roommate of mine, a sort of skid row alcoholic actress and devotee of self marginalization. And a fag hag. Absolutely had to get on the soap box when I declared a record she was trying to get me to like to be gay. Took pause, didn't catch the way back reference when we all used that word constantly, before any of us knew we were gay, or any of us knew anyone who we knew to be gay, etc, or the sheer silliness of it. Getting all mealy mouthed, and already slurring from drink, the best she could sputter was "you just caaannnnn't use that word that way!" The Movement, The Cause, it all started welling up in her bleary eyes. Another guy who I didn't suspect would be so damned PC (and isn't in many other areas of his life) confidentially mentioned to me that it bothered him that a friend of ours used the G-word often. Shit dog, I said, I use that word too. It's funny. No, he didn't think that was right. This from a guy who hits on waitresses. I said there's no connotation really, between Gay As In Dumb, Lame, Etc and People Who Like The Same Sex.

Gales of arguments could roil forth from that last sentence. There is a connotation of course. But I think using Gay that way is only pointing towards a sort of insipid stereotype that actually exists, and it's more a personality type than a sexual orientation, and it certainly isn't pointing towards the entire Alternative Lifestyle Movement. I know people who, when they were in the closet, didn't talk like Carol Channing, but now they do. That's gay.

For the record, I have gay friends, associates, clients and colleagues living and dead that I love and respect, I'm for gay marriage and I'm glad the issue got forked onto the table to wriggle and crawl for all to see and deal with - I thought it was too soon, but now that it's happening, the sooner the better, because it's going to take a long time, no matter what. In 1997 I was a drag show announcer at the Gay 90's. I was backstage and saw stuff that would make any rocker blush. I say Gay. I say it in front of Gay people. They think it's funny. Well one didn't, he scowled at me. He had a toupee that, if you pushed the knot of his tie, would spin around. That guy had 27 credit cards and he shot the balance around on all of them in perpetuity. He cheated on his boyfriend constantly, snorted a lot of coke and stole money from people if he didn't have cash. Wouldn't let his boyfriend smoke pot. It was horrible. They finally broke up, and he wound up living in a car and wearing the same cheap apholstered suit and trying and failing to beat any friends of his ex's up. That's not gay, that's just wrong.

I'm not saying that it's completely right to use the word Gay That Way. It's not quite, but it will be eventually. There has been no uproar. Probably because, as we all know, the word already has dual meanings. It means attracted to the same sex, yeah, but it (still) also means happy. It really does. I'm sure half the population of Kennebunkport pointedly uses the word in that context...

George: It's another beautiful day Barbara!
Barbara: The sun is shining and the weather is absolutely gay!
George: Let's have some iced tea and sandwiches on the porch.

And, I can say with authority that, as a child growing up in the midwest 70's, I (was) dressed gaily for every school and family portrait photograph from grades 1-6. In fact, I don't think there's any other way to put it.

Posted by Daniel E. Boen at January 6, 2005 01:02 PM

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